Parental Guilt is such a horrible painful sight. It eats at us. It makes us question the choices we are making, how good of a parent we are, makes us grumpy and everyone miserable.
For those of you who know me personally, you know I have spent the last 2 weeks in the heat of Las Vegas. I have nothing against the sun, but the dry desert heat is not what I would call a vacation. Good thing, this isn't my vacation.
I am helping my brother babysit his daughter. I offered my help when I found his wife was on bedrest. The doctor put her on bedrest as she is trying to have their second child early, much too early. She is at 31 weeks, and she has been having contractions for the last 2 months. The doctor put her on medication, told her to go to bed, and to stay put. She has made three trips to the emergency room since then.
My adopted mom has been babysitting all week long for the previous 5 weeks, then going to work all weekend long. My brother works all week long, 12+ hour days, and then comes home and helps take care of his daughter and wife. My mom was worn out, my brother stressed out.
So I came down to help, its what family does. My sister-in-law like all mothers, is feeling guilty. She isn’t cooking, cleaning and taking care of her family, therefore she must not be doing her job. Right? Wrong!! How is it we as mothers feel so guilty when we can’t do what we believe is our job. My brother continues to be stressed as my sister-in-law wants him take all the work off my shoulders the minute he gets home, so I am not overworked. She feels bad, I had to leave my family and come to take care of her family.
I understand, I have been on bed rest, I couldn’t take care of my family, I felt worthless, lazy and guilty. It is my opinion the guilt bone needs to be removed from the bed ridden parent. If we could remove that bone, that single little bone, then perhaps we would find it easier to get well, take care of ourselves, and by doing so, take better care of our families.
Friday, May 28, 2010
Sunday, May 16, 2010
The Blind Kitty
I have a little kitten. She is actually a cat now. She is completely blind. As a kitten, she got sick, her eyes swelled up huge and almost popped out of her head. I took her to the vet, he gave her medicine twice, she never got better and then when he realized she was blind, he said we should just have her put down, she was very young, tiny and undersized. He said she would never have a good quality of life. He should see her now. She catches birds out of the air, mice are fun toys and she navigates 3 backyards fearlessly.
Are you wondering why I seem to be obsessing on a fairly happy and healthy cat? It’s easy. If I had put her down, if I had listened when they said it was impossible, I would not have such a little ball of fun. My son, 15 has Aspergers Syndrome. He is a horrible child sometimes. Angry, aggressive and very frustrated, and frustrating. He challenges every fact, he is what he is. I am learning like my kitten how to navigate the bomb field called my sons life. His stepmom told him to leave her home October 29, 2009 and to not come back until his attitude had changed. He does not plan on going back ever. But just when you think all is lost, he crawls into bed with you and snuggles and says I love you, and we are all navigating the backyard fearlessly.
My daughter is 13, she is stocky, not fat just not twig thin like her sister. She is seeking self confidence through boys, and peer approval. I am hoping it doesn’t break her. She does not see what a wonderful joy she is. I love it when she laughs, dances and sings her way through my house. Her thoughts though beg her to get into trouble. She developed very early, so she has a 13 year old brain and an 18 year old body. I just smile and tug at her shirt and we are again, navigating.
Funny how life is, forcing you to wander along, searching, then finding and looking for more sanity. If I had listened to the doctors, my son would be in an institution and drugged into submission and I would miss the moments. Baby girl would not be here, she would have been vacuumed from my body, and left, for health reasons of course. I would miss watching her beauty and laughter.
Sometimes I think in the end we are all navigating the moments of our lives, looking out for the sharp rocks which would cut our feet to shreds.
Are you wondering why I seem to be obsessing on a fairly happy and healthy cat? It’s easy. If I had put her down, if I had listened when they said it was impossible, I would not have such a little ball of fun. My son, 15 has Aspergers Syndrome. He is a horrible child sometimes. Angry, aggressive and very frustrated, and frustrating. He challenges every fact, he is what he is. I am learning like my kitten how to navigate the bomb field called my sons life. His stepmom told him to leave her home October 29, 2009 and to not come back until his attitude had changed. He does not plan on going back ever. But just when you think all is lost, he crawls into bed with you and snuggles and says I love you, and we are all navigating the backyard fearlessly.
My daughter is 13, she is stocky, not fat just not twig thin like her sister. She is seeking self confidence through boys, and peer approval. I am hoping it doesn’t break her. She does not see what a wonderful joy she is. I love it when she laughs, dances and sings her way through my house. Her thoughts though beg her to get into trouble. She developed very early, so she has a 13 year old brain and an 18 year old body. I just smile and tug at her shirt and we are again, navigating.
Funny how life is, forcing you to wander along, searching, then finding and looking for more sanity. If I had listened to the doctors, my son would be in an institution and drugged into submission and I would miss the moments. Baby girl would not be here, she would have been vacuumed from my body, and left, for health reasons of course. I would miss watching her beauty and laughter.
Sometimes I think in the end we are all navigating the moments of our lives, looking out for the sharp rocks which would cut our feet to shreds.
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