Guilt and the Parent

  Parental Guilt is such a horrible painful sight. It eats at us. It makes us question the choices we are making, how good of a parent we are,  makes us grumpy and everyone miserable.


  For those of you who know me personally, you know I have spent the last 2 weeks in the heat of Las Vegas. I have nothing against the sun, but the dry desert heat is not what I would call a vacation. Good thing, this isn't my vacation.
  I am helping my brother babysit his daughter. I offered my help when I found his wife was on bedrest. The doctor put her on bedrest as she is trying to have their second child early, much too early. She is at 31 weeks, and she has been having contractions for the last 2 months. The doctor put her on medication, told her to go to bed, and to stay put. She has made three trips to the emergency room since then.

  My adopted mom has been babysitting all week long for the previous 5 weeks, then going to work all weekend long. My brother works all week long, 12+ hour days, and then comes home and helps take care of his daughter and wife. My mom was worn out, my brother stressed out.

  So I came down to help, its what family does. My sister-in-law like all mothers, is feeling guilty. She isn’t cooking, cleaning and taking care of her family, therefore she must not be doing her job. Right? Wrong!! How is it we as mothers feel so guilty when we can’t do what we believe is our job. My brother continues to be stressed as my sister-in-law wants him take all the work off my shoulders the minute he gets home, so I am not overworked. She feels bad, I had to leave my family and come to take care of her family.

  I understand, I have been on bed rest, I couldn’t take care of my family, I felt worthless, lazy and guilty. It is my opinion the guilt bone needs to be removed from the bed ridden parent. If we could remove that bone, that single little bone, then perhaps we would find it easier to get well, take care of ourselves, and by doing so, take better care of our families.

The Blind Kitty

I have a little kitten. She is actually a cat now. She is completely blind. As a kitten, she got sick, her eyes swelled up huge and almost popped out of her head. I took her to the vet, he gave her medicine twice, she never got better and then when he realized she was blind, he said we should just have her put down, she was very young, tiny and undersized. He said she would never have a good quality of life. He should see her now. She catches birds out of the air, mice are fun toys and she navigates 3 backyards fearlessly.


Are you wondering why I seem to be obsessing on a fairly happy and healthy cat? It’s easy. If I had put her down, if I had listened when they said it was impossible, I would not have such a little ball of fun. My son, 15 has Aspergers Syndrome. He is a horrible child sometimes. Angry, aggressive and very frustrated, and frustrating. He challenges every fact, he is what he is. I am learning like my kitten how to navigate the bomb field called my sons life. His stepmom told him to leave her home October 29, 2009 and to not come back until his attitude had changed. He does not plan on going back ever. But just when you think all is lost, he crawls into bed with you and snuggles and says I love you, and we are all navigating the backyard fearlessly.

My daughter is 13, she is stocky, not fat just not twig thin like her sister. She is seeking self confidence through boys, and peer approval. I am hoping it doesn’t break her. She does not see what a wonderful joy she is. I love it when she laughs, dances and sings her way through my house. Her thoughts though beg her to get into trouble. She developed very early, so she has a 13 year old brain and an 18 year old body. I just smile and tug at her shirt and we are again, navigating.

Funny how life is, forcing you to wander along, searching, then finding and looking for more sanity. If I had listened to the doctors, my son would be in an institution and drugged into submission and I would miss the moments. Baby girl would not be here, she would have been vacuumed from my body, and left, for health reasons of course. I would miss watching her beauty and laughter.

Sometimes I think in the end we are all navigating the moments of our lives, looking out for the sharp rocks which would cut our feet to shreds.

Giving Back

Once upon a time, I made a lot of choices. Some were good but most were selfish and wrong. I have spent hours trying to get beyond my past. I find I often look at the choices I made and try to make new ones, not the same old mistakes. I try. And when I can I try to make choices which help.
  I have a family, who loved me when I was horrible, who loved me when I made some of the worst choices in my life. I was not a nice person. I did not think of other people when I made choices. I raced through their lives like a hurricane, and later owed them great apologies. I have started my journey back, but I owe them more than I can ever repay. 
  Suddenly I have chance to help out, and I am so grateful for the chance. I have talked to my partner and we have agreed this can work. It will be a little harder on my family, but it not only is a chance to repay a tiny tiny piece of my debt. It also helps someone who needs it.
  This is one of those moments when I am grateful for all the forgiveness, and the chance to give back.

What are you afraid of?

Once upon a time, I was afraid. I had been hit and I was very afraid that I would always be hurt when I got close to anyone. But today I feel less fear. Now I want to teach my children how to live in a world that feeds fear from the first breath. If you go to a high school in down town  there is a very good chance you will have to walk through a metal detector to get to your classes. Every month there is another story where a school has been shot through. The news is full of vicious dogs who eat small children. Police officers who randomly race through crowds stomping people, shooting "innocent" bystanders.
This life is the most fearful life we live.
 How do you stop the fear? How do you get your children to step outside of the fear and learn to behave with courage, and joy.
  It is not an easy thing to do. The first thing we teach our children is no, things hurt. They learn things hurt, so they don't do little things. Then they learn about the bad people, people who to want to take them away from mommy and daddy.
  This is the life we live on a daily basis, and we have to find a way to live safe, without living in fear. I love my children, and I want them to be safe, but I also want them to be not afraid to cross the street. As our world grows more and more lawless it becomes harder and harder to teach our children to live courageously. There is a way, finding it is hard.

Wii FIT

We bought a Wii and then we bought the Wii Fit and what is painful is I am 50+ years old according to it. I have great posture but I am obese. :( 
  I did feel so much better though when my honey stepped onto the board, and then he found out he was overweight and almost 70. It felt so much better than when I found out I was a few years older than I am. I guess if you hang on and the world beats you up then you might just wake up one day and be old and fat, or wake up and start living a life that is better than the one you had before.
   I smoked for about 25 years, the doctors told me repeatedly how bad it was for me. I took part in an autopsy of a smoker. His lungs were icky and hard, but it did not even faze me. I hacked my way through bronchitis every winter and kept smoking. My doctors tthreatened me with emphysema but I kept smoking.  Then one morning I woke up and I was wheezing like a million year old man who had worked in coal mine for a thousand years, and I decided to I was going to quit. I haven't had a cigarette in three years. I am grateful for being able to breathe better.
  But the Wii is going to have to tell me how I am getting better, maybe when it is done, the doctor can help me out too..

Pit Bulls and Breed Specific Legislation

I watched a the news yesterday, there was another story about how a Vicious dog attacked another dog, and don't you know the vicious dog was a pitbull. Now I have noticed of late the news seems to love to air the story of the vicious pitbulls who attack everyone.

I am the first person to admit, there are bad dogs. They have been bred to be mean, then taught to attack people, dogs and anything that comes into their path. They were not born this way, they have been raised to be this way. With lots of time and caring some of these dogs can come back and be loving. Some will never trust again.

    I own an American PitBull and an English StaffordShire terrier. When I take them out in public most people look panicked and avoid my dogs. They are the most gentle animals you have ever met.  I have a Shih Tzu who will rip your leg off, but my so called "BULLY" breed dogs most dangerous weapons are their tales.
  There is a local lady who is in politics, one of wants to ban pitbulls in her city.  She was recently voted in as a councilwoman. What worries me, is if she gets this done, then how many more cities will try and pass such a law, then what? No rottweilers, no terriers, no labs, who is to define what a bully breed is?
 
  Maybe we should only be concerned with how the dogs are raised, not the dogs themselves.  The dogs from the infamous Football players kennels, were taught to kill and the dogs are the ones who are suffering. 
And when the horror occurs maybe the consequences should be more severe than a 23 months, and getting out in less than a year and a half.  His fines were under $10,000. He was to pay damages of $928000, to help take care of the dogs, but the man who owned 6 luxury house, filed for bankruptcy cause he was broke. Yet his contract for 6 years with the falcons started with 22.5 Milion. He also made money off the dog fighting. He came back and nade 1.6 Million the first year and 5.2 the second of his contract with the Eagles. Oh and he can make up to an extra 3 Million in incentives.
 For more info on the case visit:
http://www.aldf.org/article.php?id=928
 
 
   And we talk about how the dogs are bad.  I think instead of Breed Specific Legislation, we need Breeder and Trainer Specific Legislation!
  Then no bad dogs only bad people.

Beer Cheese Soup and the neighbors

I have a recipe for beer cheese soup. It is an easy recipe, but everyone who tries it loves it, with the noticeable exception of my daughter (She says its tooo cheesy).
 My neighbor was visiting one day as I was making it and she asked for a taste. I gave her some and now she loves it. If I have a little extra, then I put it in a bowl and take it to her and her husband. She told me they measure it out, and then argue if the other one so much as tastes what is not theirs.

I like my soup, I like to cook, and I believe I can do an ok job of it. But I certainly do not want to be the one who causes my neighbors to argue. So maybe I should make them some when they are arguing and send them a bill for marriage counseling.

My kids have been asking for it, they offered to grate all the cheese in the house. It is funny how easy it is to teach kids to cook, when they want to eat something. They fight over any leftovers. I caught my son writing on my bowl with a permanent marker. When confronted, he said he was making sure no one took any of his soup. He couldn't understand why I thought this was a bad idea.

I live in an area where microbrews are always the rage, I have tried different ales, and what I have found is the dark ales have a yeasty taste when added; IPA's are nice but sometimes to light. A summer or midrange ale is best, or at least I believe this.

I found the basic in a book, and then as I went on I added and subtracted things. This is my recipe and how we make beer cheese soup.

2 Tbsp Margarine
½ cup carrots
½ cup onion
¼ cup green pepper
¼ cup red sweet pepper
¼ cup orange or yellow pepper
½ cup chopped celery
5 Tbsp flour
4 cups chicken broth
3 cups shredded cheese
1 12-oz can evaporated milk
Fresh ground black pepper
Ground Sea salt
Bottle Tabasco®

Melt the butter in a saucepan, add vegetables and stir them together, then sprinkle the flour over the vegetables until they are coated with the flour. Then slow add the broth stirring regularly to prevent lumps. Cook and stir occasionally over medium heat until the mixture comes to a boil.

Reduce heat; add cheese, stirring continuously while adding cheese until the cheese is melted. Slowly add evaporated milk, until it is blended through. Taste, and add salt and pepper to taste. Add about a half a dozen to a dozen drops of Tabasco depending on taste.

When this is all done, uncap the bottle of beer, add about a quarter of the bottle, and stir.
This is delicious when served with Cheese Rolls. But that is for another recipe day...